Valentine's Day

Leftcoastlove's ode to the heart.

Okay, I figured out a way to set my laptop out here on the deck. I’m prepared to give an update and hopefully amuse you with my recent adventures. I think I am finally beginning to appreciate some of the holidays I used to ignore. Since it still is February I can share my Valentine’s experience. Now the scene at my office has been less than happy happy joy joy since the recent layoffs and merger madness. When I started almost two years ago my office was a fun and productive place to work. Lately we are just extra productive. Many of you back east have no doubt read about the .bomb or flight from Silicon Valley. Yes the jobs are fewer but the cost of living is still pretty high here in paradise. My boss decided we needed a small distraction and a little fun so a plan was hatched. Approximately 65 of my coworkers placed clear bags with heart designs on our desks. Then for the next three days leading up to Valentine’s Day we all placed candy, cards, toys, etc. into the bags. On Valentine’s Day we had a pot luck lunch and opened our haul. It was like a reverse Halloween. My Britney Spears and Crocodile Hunter Valentines were a big hit.

The entire activity turned out to be a boon in many other respects. A certain co-worker of mine had previously proved difficult to befriend. Of course we worked well together but there was always a barrier that kept us at arms length. Valentine’s eve found us working late and we decided to go to Target and pick up some fun stuff for the next day. We had a ball strolling the aisles of the Mountain View Target. Now for those of you that think this story is going someplace, think again. Of course this nameless co-worker is beautiful but I have learned over the years that the company store can be a dangerous place to shop. Then there is the whole thing of her disinterest in me romantically. Anyway the store was packed with last minute shoppers and the card section was blown away. I wrestled the last box of Britney cards from a 3^rd grader before her mom could get a good look at me. As I worked my way back to my friend I eyed a few single women shopping and I tried to get noticed. Not a smile to be returned until I was joined with my co-worker. To an outsider it might have appeared as if we were a couple doing our shopping. After all she had cat food and skin products beside my toothbrush, WD40, and condoms.

The scene changed and now the women were smiling and flirting. I was presented with a few thong peeks at the card rack and I even received a smile and flirtatious chit chat from a honey while I was trying to figure out which corn remover to use this month. Thankfully the mouthwash was also on the shelf so at least I could look like I cared about oral hygiene. My coworker was busting me out as I finally headed for the checkout. We laughed and she even noticed how my mojo shifted when we were together. Another example of how this crazy world sometimes works. Along the way we picked up some toys and other trinkets to spice up the next days festivities. As we walked back to the car we decided that we could be friends and that big fun would ensue. I drove home and filled out my cards and prepared for Valentine’s Day as I rehashed the fun I had just had Target.

I started the big day by giving heart stickers to my girls at the coffee shop. They are a vital part of my morning ritual. They make my cup just right and they always notice a new outfit or cologne. Morning validation is required in the single man’s life. Of course I could give myself validation in the morning, but they say that can lead a man down a dangerous path. Besides it is a warm shop located exactly between my apartment and office, best of all is that it is NOT Starbuck’s. Of course I love Starbuck’s for legitimizing my coffee problem, but I want my neighborhood coffee shop to be unique. I often visit the shop during the day when I need a break from cube land and since I live in the same town I even start my weekend mornings there. Armed with a huge bag of goodies and my caffeine fix I pulled into the parking lot and bounded into the office. I made my rounds early since I wanted to be at my desk to greet my admirers as they filled my bag.

I understand that the game was in my office so certain boundaries were in place. Still it was like going to the single guys driving range. For most of the morning I was able to chat and safely flirt with nearly all the women in my sector. A driving range lets you work on your swing without actually playing a round of golf plus you can focus on a particular aspect of your swing repeatedly. No difference here, little story here, quick wit joke there, and see what works. I have also learned over the years that married and off limits women can be a wealth of information and guidance if you are sincere. My bag gave way around 10 am and I was just a ball of smiles and leftcoastlove (you knew I’d work it in). I even bought rings for all my immediate female coworkers, including the boss. Her comment was I has better start working harder now that I have 6 new wives to support. Nice, apparently she didn’t appreciate the gesture, then again maybe she did. The pot luck was a smash and it was almost not like work for a while.

Of course the story doesn’t end here. I was schedule to work the Nelly Futado show that night at the Warfield theatre. Single straight guy working on Valentine’s Day should be a no brainer after a day at the driving range. My swing perfected and I was heavy with chocolate. Look out single girls out for the show. I was right on the money, there was a steady stream of single women all night long. I was cute and flirty and on this night I teamed up with another usher in my lot. He was the ying to my yang and we made the most of it. Sampson is in his 20’s and has shoulder length braided blonde hair. Black leather pants and headband complete his neo-hippie-rocker look. He is bright and funny and he complimented my clean chino-oxford-loafer look so that we presented something for everyone. We ended up sticking heart stickers all over our balcony patrons who allowed it, there were many. The Nelly crowd was fun and I even had the opportunity to place a few hearts into a Silicon Valley of a different sort. Many kisses and hugs, love and music, another great day in my new life. I have a few more tales to share this weekend so I hope this will satisfy you guys until later today.