Admit it, you watched again. Helicopters hovering over an estate in southern California, cable news all sharing the same feed from the local stations in Los Angeles as we learned that Robert Blake, of 70's TV fame, was arrested for shooting his wife. The crime occurred almost a year ago and now finally an arrest. The office was all a buzz today as we shared our thoughts on the subject. Some people felt it was just another example of how certain people are treated differently from the rest of us. Mr. Blake had a year to collect his thoughts, his lawyer was called prior to the arrest, and almost 75 officers were dispatched to a sleepy gated community to bring him in. Once in custody he was placed in the hospital ward to ensure the 69 year old actor's safety. Pundits and legal experts stayed up all night to discuss the case and re-run old footage of the actor. Everyone will agree that this treatment is not available to the rest of population. We grouse that celebrities get special treatment, yet we will accept nothing less. It is a paradox that I hope to fix. Now I think that if Joe Six-pack had taken his wife out to dinner, shot her in the head, and then threw the gun into the dumpster next to the car it would not have taken a year to arrest him, especially since the gun was recovered that night. Secondly would Joe get the limo treatment and special housing? Doubtful it would cost way too much to wait on all accused criminals in this manner. A simple solution that would satisfy everyone involved and is cost effective; create a new reality show “Doing Big Time”.
The show would be set in new prison constructed especially for celebrities.
Producers would have cameras set through out the jail much like “Big
Brother”. The time is right for this idea so please stay with me.
The ratings would be huge, there has been no shortage of celebrities
wreaking havoc, sports stars, chart toppers, politicians, and now even
corporate
kingpins
are joining the orange jumpsuit fraternity. Now before all the civil
libertarians start flooding my email with their cries of “ …unusual
punishment” let me clarify a very important point. The celebrity in
question has the choice to forgo the special treatment and perks of “Doing
Big Time” and take their chances with the general population. Much
like "The People's Court" if you want to settle your suit
in our forum...... If we have to pay for
special considerations then we should get something in return. If I can watch Ozzy
Osbourne fall out of chair tripping on pain killers and wine and be
entertained, I know watching Winona Ryder get searched and fingerprinted
would keep me in my chair until my bladder burst. The stars get this
treatment because they are entertainers, so entertain me. I am
seeing all sorts of potential for this idea, a franchise if you will.
How about a “Scared Straight” episode? We bring in current child stars and they get to talk to current inmates about keeping their life in order. What’s the kid from “The Sopranos”? Any who get him on as the first child, after all didn’t he and a bunch of friends shake down some kids in NY awhile back? I see a touching scene with Robert Downey Jr. sharing and caring until they finally cry together and vow to change. How about a “Where Are They Now?” episode? Bring back James Brown and Mike Tyson to walk the halls and share prison shower stories. “Here’s where my bitch used to sleep…” I think I see a few more heads nodding. You are now thinking of your own specials and spin offs. ESPN could spin off an entire network to include creating a penal league. Boxing, football, basketball, hell pretty much any sport can field some respectable competition from the ranks of the incarcerated. Oh my, I can already hear the truly bone crushing hits and of course no refs in these matches. Again the ratings would be huge and with the constant influx of fresh talent the league(s) could be really viable, at least more so than the XFL ever was. The convicts benefit too since they can stay in shape and in the spotlight at the same time. Hey don’t we want these guys to be employable when they get out? One final note since I dare not leave a scrap on the table, the prizes would include time off and prison favors for win/loss records and personal stats. Celebrity death matches could become a reality.
and
Paula Poundstone as "Romeo and Juliet", insert your own, it’s almost too easy.
Bring back the
old “Battle of the Network Stars” for a new generation. Then of
course there would have be a cross promotional event with the sport
convicts.
This is one of those ideas that is so obvious that I’m surprised that I
actually thought of first. Almost any reality show could be adapted to this
setting, “Cribs” tour the cells of the celebs, “Survivor”
has two
teams of cons battling for shower soap and immunity from Bubba the enforcer, “Trading
Spaces” has cons with 12 hours to redecorate another inmate's cell, shall I continue?
I know I have strayed from the general premise and staple of the franchise.
It will truly be the day to day antics of our misguided idols that will keep
viewers and celebrities coming back to “Doing Big Time”. If we
can watch 5-6 hours of Robert Blake’s arrest then my show is truly low
hanging fruit waiting to be picked. Producers and Networks please contact me at sean@leftcoastlove.com to see about securing the right to my franchise. See you at the Emmys!
--leftcoastlove--