Just
when I thought I knew everything I find out just the opposite. During
a recent couch potato outing I discovered a new industry. I was
watching a show called Invent This on TechTV and one of the feature stories
was about a man who makes decoys. Nothing new here, there are lots of
hunters and sportsmen who love to shoot animals for fun. While I do
not count myself among their ranks I can see the primal hunter attraction to
the activity. Anywho Brian Wolsegel actually takes the pelt of a dead
deer and stretches it over a premolded body he prepared earlier. Then
he saws the head off and places a small electric motor inside and reattaches
the head. Voila! A real fake deer. Now what to do with
robo-Bambi you ask? The local police in Wisconsin love these decoys
since they use them to attract and document poachers. The decoys are
set up and placed under surveillance by camera and live officers. The
poachers see the decoys then the head starts to move, the tension builds as
Earl and Bubba pull the F-150 over and start blasting away from inside the
truck. While reloading the officers roll in and haul away the wild
boys. The deer have been so successful that Brian's company now makes
bears, boars, coyotes, and basically anything that can be killed and then
skinned.
Not exactly the Lion King here. The story bothered me because even though the premise was to save wildlife it still started with the thing it was trying to prevent. A circle of death if you will. So we kill this deer so that these other deer can be spared. Hmmm? After a commercial break the story continued from a very different angle, the down low. Remember how I said they placed cameras to watch the decoys? Well poachers weren't the only thing that the decoys attracted. More than one amorous buck stopped by and tried to give the decoy some play. Oh man! How humiliating? Dude, only her head moves. Well I guess sometimes that's enough. But what if the other bucks see this tape? "Look it was late after last call, I was stumbling home from the lodge and there she was. She turned her head and in the early morning moonlight she looked real. I nearly busted my baby buck before I realized she was a stiff. Anybuck could've made the same mistake."
Next I learned that breeding deer is a tricky and expensive proposition. Brian and his team immediately saw a new use for the decoys. Yes, semen collectors. Oh my god, make it stop but in true we need to see it all fashion I got a 5 minute video on the making off an artificial doe coochie. Warm saline bags and a special hollowed out area completed the new addition to the decoy. Now the police department busts poachers and then they sell the sperm to breeders. Since they also have the tape of the buck getting the nut the sperm is very valuable. Breeders can see the donor and decide if his traits are suitable. So now our errant buck will have a lot explaining to do since he could have fathered multiple offspring from that one piece of low hanging poon. Shamed by the herd and now a deadbeat dad. I think we are setting up a lot of trouble out there in the woods.
Once again it seems a bit odd that we use a decoy made from a dead deer to collect the semen of a live deer to make more deer that will be protected by the decoy that also acts as a cheap prom date collecting the sperm that will grow the skin for the next generation of decoys. Is it just me that sees a problem here? I don't think this will become a huge issue but it made me think that sometimes in our efforts to make things better we actually make the balance more lopsided. Riddle me this Batman, why is it ok to kill when the intent is to save? I am not going to get all tree huggy here but at least be honest and consistent. If hunting is going to continue then do it right, kill it and then use it. Return the unused pieces to the earth and add to the circle of life. Making decoys and artificial inseminations only make the deer dependant on man and thus less wild or natural. Get enough of these sleazy decoys out there and maybe the bucks stop using live deer since the new girls are so easy. A stretch maybe but how often do we look back and say if we only knew then?
I guess my point here is don't make the solution to a problem as painful or more painful than the original problem. I think we often do that to ourselves. In our efforts to improve our situation, looks, residence, or anything for that matter we get caught up in the plan and all the contingencies. Before you know it managing the plan becomes a new chore to add to whatever woe(s) you began with. It's a new year so just get out there and do something. Plans always change so be prepared but accept the changes and live in the today. I never want to say that it took me X years to get somewhere. Instead I want to say look how much fun and love it took to get me here. I got pictures too! The guy who spent time getting somewhere has lost all that time and only starts his life from that arbitrary point. Bummer. There is wisdom in the idea that the path is more important than the destination.
Peace and Leftcoastlove,
Sean