It
all started with J Lo. For me anyways... You see working from
home has a few pitfalls. During the morning as I scan emails and
research computer based training I leave the TV on. This is fine until
9 am when the daytime inbred-trash talking-no brain freak shows start.
Man, after last week I couldn't take anymore Ricki, Maury, Montel, or Jerry.
I don't have to tell you the topics just suffice it to say I had reached
critical white trash mass. I switched over to HBO and happened to hit
the beginning of the J Lo feature "Enough".This was truly a bad movie but... or should I say butt! What the plot lacked J Lo filled in with plenty of gratuitous T and yes A, lots of supple round foreground. The other fun part of this movie was the heroine J Lo portrayed. A pissed off beaten wife who goes underground and trains for the day she is to face her husband and kill him. Yup, kill him. She trains and plans for months until she confronts him and beats him to a pulp before, in self defense of course, she kicks him over a ledge and onto a very chic plate-glass table which indeed puts his lights out for good.
The
formula worked like a charm. Even though the movie was down right bad
I watched till the end just to keep seeing J Lo's end. This experience
must have left a subconscious mark because a few days later I picked up a
DVD collection from the used bin at Amoeba Records. "Women Who Kick
Butt" collects ten low budget drive-in grade movies. The formula
always works I've learned after studying each of the ten.
"Leaving Scars" was particularly hard to watch since the entire plot was bad guys chasing a girl because she had some computer disk that she didn't know she had. When she finally realizes why she has to keep killing people (but only after having sex with them first) it doesn't matter because everyone is dead. High art? NOT. Cinema? NOT. A waste of time? NOT even close!
All
the bad acting and cheap production values kept me laughing for hours and
hours. Comedy in hidden places had yielded a buffet of buffoonery and
some quality T&A to boot. I can thank DVD for my education and
excitation since these film fall below even cable bad movie standards.
Each film did share one lesson though, never ever kick a woman when she is
down during a fight. Once that happens it's all over for the bad guy(s).
Similar to the Rocky effect, these heroines can't fully kick ass until
they're beaten down and on the verge of "losing everything". Then it's
lock and load time!
It seems this formula is enduring. My DVD collection spans 30 years and these movies still keep coming out. Stick with a winner I guess. And in the spirit of winning I am prepared to give away this collection to the Leftcoastlove reader who sends me their best bad ass babe story. Did your sister, mom, girlfriend, or grandma ever go agro? Send the stories to sean@leftcoastlove.com. I'll publish the best ones and announce the winner next month. True stories only and bonus points are awarded if you include a picture.
Peace,
Sean