Real Housewives? | Classic Leftcoastlove

The end is near... http://www.bravotv.com/Real_Housewives/ Bravo network has done it again. A show that is too bad to ignore, scary self indulgent rich people and the little monsters they are raising. Sex, money and plenty of fake tits. I must admit that I have seen every episode at least 6 times and it only gets better with multiple viewings. So From left to right; Jeana is an ex-Playboy centerfold who married a baseball player and they are breeding because they have great genes. How could they not pass on their superficial selfish over produced traits to another generation? Seriously.

Next is Lauri the divorced boxtox injecting club freak who is raising a juvenile delinquent and a future porn star. Jo is 24 and she lives with Slade and his two kids from different mothers. She doesn't have to work and her day consists of drinking, drinking, drinking, flirting with the local high school stud, drinking and shopping. Kim is married with some pretty normal kids but her fake jugs are so prominent that she ends up looking like a robot with a rubber face. Finally Vicki is a hard shopping self employed power mom who bears an uncanny resemblance to Miss Piggy of the Muppets. Now that you know who the players are we can get into the highlights.

Slade is a self proclaimed "got it going on" man, "borderline movie star image" and all around tool. Ok so he makes a lot of money but he spends more time picking out his watch than preparing for business meetings. He has the hot 24 old with 38DDDs and a penchant for role playing. Yes she dresses up as a French maid to seduce the man "who keeps her". Ah but she also still goes clubbing until 4 am and she shamelessly flirts with the neighbors 18 year old son while she pounds her 5th glass of wine. Slade has his hands full when he manages to get them out of his pants. Trying to raise two kids and keep his girlfriend in line is apparently hard work. That might explain why he is so hard on everyone, except himself. Each episode Slade manages to further cement his place as the biggest tool on TV.

Miss Piggy left her husband back in Chicago because she wanted the finer things in life. Her first husband was a "ball and chain" that kept her from her dreams. She moved to Cali and has built her own insurance agency. Now she can support her unemployed second husband and two ungrateful brat kids. She nurtures them with kinds words such as " we need to replace all the blood from your father's side" and "quit your job, I'll give you the $30". She also likes the idea of being considered a MILF. If you are not familiar with the term it stands for Mother I'd Like to &%$#. Miss Piggy teaches her daughter how to do tequila shooters by cheering her on with "lick it, suck it, do it!". She gets my vote for mother of the year.

Laurie is a major freak. She swears by her botox and fake tits. She works for Miss Piggy and may get fired before the season is over. Laurie's last husband let her live the good life. Maids and a nanny and she never had to work. Now her daughter has moved back in to cash in the camera time this show is providing her, her son is in juvenile detention lock up and her other daughter is oblivious to it all. Even with all that going on Laurie still manages to find time to go clubbing and freak dancing the night before her son's court appearance. It also looks like Laurie will take one of the neighborhood boys for a ride before the season is over. Run! It's Mrs. Robinson from hell!

Now we get to Jo. She met Slade at the office and then moved in with the tool who is 12 years her senior. He has two little kids and she has large two puppies. Slade belittles and embarrasses her for his amusement but she know how to fight back. She reminds Slade that her last boyfriend was 18 and she drunk dials him from a club at 4am. Watch the episode where she tells Slade she has ...gasp...gotten a job. Hilarity ensues.

This show reminds me that the sometimes the worst people in the world are also the luckiest. The show also scares me because these horrible people are also raising kids. The children are no better than their parents and that is sad because the world doesn't need anymore self centered superficial people. At least they tend roost close to home so for the time being the problem seems to be local to the OC. Thankfully they already live inside a gated community, quick grab me a padlock.