Where am I? Where are you? It all depends on where you are standing. Leftcoast tackles the perils and positives of being laid off in Silicon Valley. By the way you can hire Leftcoastlove.
Many of you have been wondering what the hell happened to all the frequent updates and new essays. Well I have been on a new mission these days, Leftcoastlove is looking for work. Yes the recession and downsizing have hit me in the nuts and it has taken me a little time to recover and get back to writing for my and your amusement. I shouldn't be surprised in this day and age of quick decisions and temporary relationships that after two and half years of work and devotion to my employer that I was sent packing in order to save capital. In fact my recent employment history has placed me in this position three times in six years. Hey it could be worse, my recent employer has provided me the means to live without a job until next spring. It is called a severance package, sign this paper promising not to sue and they will give you a fat check. I took that check. The downside is what do I do with all this time. Of course I am looking for work but there are only so many cover letter and resume variations to churn out during the day while Montel blares in the background.
The first couple of weeks were the easiest and I took full advantage of the freedom to visit friends in southern Cali and work on various art projects. My friends were fabulous and it was nice to experience their gifts of time and attention. A special few stepped up to the plate and surprised me with tokens of love and affection which made the time seem almost magical. As those weeks turned into a month and then another I was reluctant to continue basking in the joy of sunny days exploring San Francisco and late nights talking and watching movies. Being raised in the blue collar world of upstate New York makes a person understand the value of work. Money was always tight and the threat of a strike or unemployment kept everyone on their toes. For me the hardest part is being somewhat alone during the day. Everyone else is working and moving on while I'm sitting at this red light waiting for it to turn green again. Damn this long light!
These are the times when your head and heart separate. I know I'll work again and it does take time to reignite the network and get interviews lined up. My head knows all this since we've been here before and in the past the new job has been better and more challenging than the previous. Now if my head could just have a chat with my heart which leaps into a panic attack each day at exactly 1:37 pm I might just be able to relax a little. I thought my wiring was all connected but apparently there is a disconnect at this time. Each morning I check my email and go over the latest job listings and begin the ritual, click click send, click click send, repeat as necessary just like the directions on my shampoo bottle. Lunch time brings my daily visit from Snowy, she does her best to cheer me up since it wasn't that long ago she was in the same position. I have been cooking quite a bit lately, partly since it is much cheaper to buy groceries than eat out 4 times a week as was my normal routine. I also like the time it takes to prepare and cook for my friends, the day goes much faster. This is both a blessing and a curse. A fast day is good on one hand but it means that I am adding another day into the no work bin as well.
The little things seem to matter more these days. Family members have been calling and writing with words of encouragement. I was also able to spend time with my nephews during their recent visit and my sister and I seem to have reconnected as well. I have a lot of time to read and think. What am I thinking about? Since you asked here goes. Everything moves so fast these days. Everyone is on the go and people are much less friendly than even five years ago. When did life get so hurried. I am a product of this environment and it is making the fact that I do have some cash in the bank and time to burn very uncomfortable. Alexis scowls at me when I lament another day of typing, reading and hanging out. She works in retail and since she is at the beginning of her career her hours and work load make my head spin. I remember those days all too well and living paycheck to paycheck had it's stress but it also kept you focused on the matters at hand. I am truly fortunate to be in a position where I can look and be somewhat selective in my next job. I have a degree and some serious experience behind me so to my friends the options seem to all be in my favor. Then why can't I chill and enjoy this little break from the rat race?
I actually miss working. My last job was rewarding in a lot of different ways. Even though I was a small cog in a huge multi-national company I was able to interact with real customers and my opinions and ideas had an impact on the way we did business. I felt as if I was adding something. These days I have lost that feeling. So I have made a decision to start substitute teaching in the local schools. There is not much money but once I complete the exam early next month I will be able to feel a little more useful. I have spent the last six years teaching and training adults in the corporate world. I am now looking forward to making a small contribution to the community while I continue to search for a another full time job.
The loss of a job is often listed as one of the most stressful things people encounter during their lifetime. I hope that by adding a useful component to my new routine that the daily panic attack will go away and I can once again focus on the wonderful blessings that my friends and family continue to bring to my life. Leftcoastlove is down but I am not out by a long shot. I guess it all depends on how you look at it.
Peace
Sean