Let's start with Rick. We are very similar in many ways. Single and sophisticated and quite content that way. Rick and I also share the same taste in music and clothes and the coffee pot is on 24/7. My first day at Rick's place brought a near chemical burn but after that it has been smooth sailing.
Once past that
episode we have settled into our own little routine. We go out two
evenings a week and stay in the others. Rick and I can talk for hours
and we have been. Our conversations are different than most I have
though. I talk with smart people who understand complicated things
everyday. Most people can "understand" another person's situation or a
past event. We have big brains after all. Rick and I seem to
have moved past understanding and started to empathize with each other.
In other words, Rick can wear some of my coats and I have been wearing some
his. This is different from just looking at the jacket on a hanger and
appreciating it. He has opened his home and friends to me without
reservation or question. I really don't feel like a guest staying
there.
My new
boss in Sacramento and I have struck a connection beneath our working
relationship. We also share many similar experiences but she listens
first when meeting someone new. This is a skill I need to master.
I seem to operate the other way, talking and sharing first then listening.
I have only known her for two weeks but she has already given me an example
to follow. She is another person who has the ability to slip past the
superficial nod of understanding. My new boss came from humble roots
and through hard work and personal sacrifice has built a comfortable life
for herself. She hasn't forgotten her past and she hasn't let her new
address make her aloof. She can also separate work from the rest of
life. The next two months should be interesting as this project moves
to closure.
Last and certainly not least is mom. As I mentioned earlier, I called to check in and say hi and we ended up jawing for over an hour. I had written something on the website last year and she was taking issue with it. Fine, I am far from always being right and she was presenting a different view of the same events in a calm and organized manner. If Rick and my new boss can teach this dog a few new tricks, I am sure my first teacher and mentor still has a few nuggets to share. Hmm, she had some good points and we really cleared the air.
It won't change the
past but by removing that barrier we now have new opportunities for the
future. From there we talked about her mom and how our views of
her have changed as we have gotten older. The years now let us see
what our parents faced as young adults. How in the world did they do
it? At my age my mom was a mom to seven kids (ages 8-18) and working
as nurse and in a new marriage. Not too much going on there. Now
we weren't crying about how tough it was and moaning. Instead we were
really talking and connecting and that always leads to talking about her
mom. She was left a widow with four kids when she was my age. I
struggle with decisions for one so I have a different view now that I feel
adult life pressures for myself.
Perhaps the thing
that touched me the most was the wish she has for her legacy. It boils
down to one little thing. She wants my brother and two sisters and I
to remain close and in contact after she is gone. I don't think she
has anything to worry about there but the sentiment is sweet. That's
not a lot to ask. I know I can do more in that department. Irony
or coincidence that she works as a RN for a dermatologist, we spent the
morning swapping skin and checking out the view.
Another empathic experience to close the week out. This week has made me realize that my brain isn't the only organ with a view and perspective. Understanding is good and we can always use more but to change and grow understanding isn't enough, you gotta' feel it sometimes.
Thanks to all of you who inspired me this week.
Peace,
--Sean--