Relaxed and ready to laugh

Here goes...It is a good time to be Richard. I have been noticing this trend lately. Never in history has the dick had more popularity than now. Popular culture has finally gone public with it's affection for all things dick.

These days having a dick, being a dick, or liking dick is in vogue. The news, movies, and of course television have lots to go around. Cable TV and it's effect on network fare have made it cool to be gay or linked to someone who is. Will and Grace is one of the most popular shows and movie stars are falling over themselves to appear on the sitcom, preferably as gay. Recent issues of Details and Maxim (I try to be fair and balanced) have had articles on how chic it is to have a gay male friend. I'm sure many people have gay friends but apparently now it's fashionable to seen out and about with them. It's even cooler if you are gay.

Don't like dick, besides maybe your own? No problem you can still be a dick. There are a lot of dicks in the news. They grab headlines and provoke world outcry. Let's start with America's biggest dick, Scott Peterson. Even if by some strange cosmic accident and coincidence he is not guilty of killing his wife and unborn child he still is a huge throbbing piece of man steak. Wife is home pregnant and he is out having an affair during the week and then goes fishing on the holidays. He sells her car and then plays golf while the DNA tests are being done on his family. Hair dye, pocket change to the tune of ten grand and his brother's ID make this guy public dick number one. I do believe I can make this case without mentioning the good chance he also committed the crimes.

An international big stinking dick has been Sadaam. Man this guy has been swinging it around for far too long. Bill Clinton could have cut it off before it got so big. Unfortunately for the world he was worried more about his dick than those who would have to eventually deal with Sadaam's.

Side note about Bill and that whole time in America. Bill made us all aware of the changing ideas about dick. Hmmm? Blowjobs aren't sex anymore. To tell the truth, this is everyman's secret wish. I admire his attempt to make it true by just saying it. Has anyone ever received a blowjob that didn't have repercussions besides an errant case of "heavy eye"? If you don't know don't ask. Bill actually believed that a woman who shows appreciation and cat like affection for his dick is just being polite. If the world were only that simple Bill. Anywho I stray from Sadaam.

George Bush wasn't about to let Sadaam make him look like a little pecker from Texas. Yes this is a simple view but our topic today is pretty straight forward. George wasn't about to be second fiddle to some blathering tyrant. I guess we now know that everything is bigger from Texas. He landed on a moving aircraft carrier to make this announcement. Let's hope George uses his biggest dick on the block status for good. Last thoughts on George are that he better use those powers sooner rather than later. Even the biggest dicks eventually go limp.

I couldn't have asked for a better transition because this leads to Viagra. Limpness has a cure and according to the commercials this makes everyone concerned much happier. People at work notice, the wife is delirious and you look like a man's man again. Hmm? The people at work thing scares me. Is he walking around with it out and up? The wife images are also disturbing, she looks like she is drunk and in nirvana. Man I guess there's no going back after that, more pills for more thrills. What about the children? Can mom function anymore now that Daddy has a super dick?

Speaking of super dicks here's another story for this collection of phallic musings. I recently moved into a new apartment in San Francisco. I shared an elevator with one of my neighbors and it was quite frightening. His pants were so tight and his bulge so noticeable that I had to take a step back. Good god is that human? It was so large that it could have been used as a weapon. Imagine how tough a guy is when he can beat someone up with his dick. Who would mess with that guy? Even worse what if you got beat up by a dick, literally. Yikes! I don't know why these ideas come to me but from there I came up with a new reality series "Cock Fighter", with the tag line "Think You're Tough?" Oh damn it's already on, "The Bachelorette".

I think we finally have our hands around this topic. Dick is everywhere you look. It's the new black. Wave it proudly and don't forget to wrap it if you're gonna use it. If you doubt me just look at all the new varieties of condoms and some are even marketed to women. The fashion available for members only is staggering. I remember when buying condoms was a shameful act done late at night at some drug store not in my neighborhood. On a recent trip to Newport Beach I stumbled into condom boutique. The staff was very friendly and they even had fitting rooms for trying out samples. The down side was you had to do the fitting alone.

Something for everyone. If you have a dick, are a dick or like dick then this is your time. Like most trends it may blow over soon so use it or lose it. Thanks for listening and hopefully laughing a little. At the very least try to look at dick in a different light from time to time.

Peace,
Sean